Secrets of Intimacy, How to Stay on the Nxtt Pillow,
by Paschal Baute, 2015.
is in final editing and formatting Here is teh Introduction. Next week, look here foe the Table of Contents.
Introduction,
The average length of a first
marriage in the United States is seven years. The average length of a second
marriage is about seven years. Vows of "For better or for worse" are
no more sustaining the second time than the first. Seventy percent the time, it
is women who file for divorce. Women are no better than men in this capacity.
The percentage of married couples who reach their 35th anniversary is now only
20%. The overall percentage of children born out of wedlock is 40% . The
hidden epidemic in our country is the loss of our capacity for intimacy
needed to sustain marriage.
Basically, the single parent
is now our social norm. This means that children living with a single parent do
not learn the skills of intimacy in sharing that make marriage work. More than
ever, the competencies found in intimacy need exploring. How do couples who
sustain a happy marriage make it work? This book unpacks and explores those
desperately needed "secrets." It also offers a step by step guide for
couples seeking to both understand and renew their relationship.
This book is based on
research with happily married couples, four decades of listening to couples in
conflict and the author's own marriage of 47 years. He guides the read through
a progressive understanding of the skills and competencies needed to sustain
intimacy "for better or for worse."
Nineteen components and twelve themes are described.
Clinical situations from marital counseling point toward specific learning
needed. Arenas of self-understanding, emotions and finding fault are explored.
Each chapter offers insights for discussion and practical application. Four key
stumbling blocks are discussed and remedies described.
Persons or couples willing to examine their capacity for
intimacy will find this book a helpful practical guide. Intimacy is viewed as
the core competency for building relationships. for marital success and
personal fulfillment
Intimacy can be rediscovered at most any stage. However,
some building blocks must be in place. Each must bring something new to the
relationship. Primarily it must be a decision to let go of the past, in a
spirit of forgiveness, acceptance of one's own faults, and a thorough on-going
commitment to renewal and rediscovery. These chapters are deemed essential to
the rediscovery process. Tips for Forgiveness, Ten agreements for staring, and
a treasury of starting over statements.
The Appendix offers an Inventory for self-assessment in
avoiding intimacy, as well as the story of the author's own search for
intimacy.
This book is also a program of total wellness, for oneself and one's relationships. It is a
re-framing of one's life in the context of intimacy, calling us to live
wholeheartedly.
